Get lost!

Basically my life.

I used to be fairly organized. And in that sense I mean know what was going to happen and when, etc. I’ve slowly been changing to an “Eh, whatever happens happens” kind of person. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my freak-outs, but for the most part I consider myself to be pretty chill in most aspects of life.

South Africa acted as a major catalyst for my “Eh, whatever” attitude towards life. Everything was real chill and easy going. The concept of time blurred in my mind and worries faded. (Maybe I’m making some of this up and some of you are laughing reading this and thinking about me as a person but I think I’m a little more relaxed than I used to be.) Anyway. My metamorphosis in SA continues in Turkey. Here’s what my life has basically been for the past two+ weeks:

• Thought: I have nothing to do today (don’t make a plan)
• Leave house and explore area (or take bus to area/destination I want to explore)
• Just walk
• Find good places to eat
• Find interesting sites
• Walk some more
• On occasion, get lost (get excited I’m lost because it’s not easy for me)
• Find self in semi-sketchy neighborhood
• Start thinking aloud and in English how I don’t know where I am
• Realize everybody around me knows I’m foreign when I speak English aloud
• Keep walking in the direction I think something I will recognize is till I get my bearings

I like being lost. I tend to think I have a fairly good sense of direction. Generally if I go somewhere once, I can find my way back again so long as it’s not too complex or too much time has passed since I’d been there the first time. So it’s fun for me to get lost in this big, new city and to be able to find my way back to Besiktas eventually.

If I’m not by myself, I’m with others who generally don’t mind having a plan and that’s fine with me. I like things that happen spontaneously. When Courtney and I went to the Old City a couple weeks ago, we only really knew how to get there. When I went with Courtney and Nathan to the Spice Bazaar, we really only knew that’s where we were going. On Spring Break in South Africa, we had a few solid plans but for the most part played everything by ear. And found ourselves in some really amazingly terrifying yet still awesome situations. I imagine the same will be true for this spring break and when I have friends who come visit.

Let’s also just break this down: when I signed up to come to Istanbul, I had only a slight idea of what to expect. It was kinda on a whim. When I got here, I had nowhere to live and got on Craigslist to look for an apartment. When I signed up for classes, I didn’t know if I’d get a good selection or not. Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I tend to think my own is pretty lax when it comes to, well, life. We play it by ear and tell each other everything will be okay and for the most part is usually is. Our parents worry, but we have hope for the better. I can only hope that that will continue in my life and in the life of my friends. It’s worked for the past 21 years, so why not longer?

“Jump first, fear later” is the motto for becoming an intern with my favorite non-profit and group of idealists, the Invisible Children roadies and crew. In high school, my friends and I had a hypothetical situation we would propose at random times that was about jumping in a large black hole that you had no idea where it led. It could end up that you fall forever and ever, end up in your favorite dream, or the depths of your darkest nightmare. You had no idea, but the question was always posed: would you jump?

More and more, I am jumping first and fearing later. I usually have no idea where these holes will lead, but way more often than not, they usually end somewhere REALLY nice.

So I get lost in life. And try not to fear about the future.

Hopefully this isn’t all me being the 8th dwarf, Idealisty, and I get hit by the reality truck any time soon. Even if I do, it's whatever. Why should we not take risks in life? To make it safely to death? No, thanks.